| | Deceit Logic {Story by Madoka} | |
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evan Hero Fantagian
Posts : 5295 Join date : 2012-11-03 Age : 21 Location : upstate baby
| Subject: Deceit Logic {Story by Madoka} Wed Oct 30, 2013 10:03 am | |
| So uh, this is a story. A story. A creepy, dystopian love story. WARNING: This story will have some intense parts, some nasty cliffhangers, blood, and it'll keep you impatiently waiting for the next chapter. - Prologue:
Uneven breaths. A fast-paced heart. I look up at the crowd, then at the four boys, pointing guns at each other. And they're fighting over me. In, out. In, in, out. My breaths become more and more uneven. Dameon glances over to me, and I already know why. He wants me to choose. He wants me to use my logical process of elimination I was taught countless times in this school of deceit. Just a gift of mine. Dameon's eyes were on fire, I just couldn't say something. "Drop your guns," I blurt out, "All of you. I have an announcement." The boys let the pistols fall to the ground, and look up at me with curiosity. "I'm not choosing any of you. I'll find someone else. There is someone else." Dameon glares at me, with a subtle smirk. "Are you sure..." He reaches into the back pocket of his jeans, "Are you sure that's your decision?" How could I have not seen this coming? "Because if it is," The second gun points at me this time, "Then we'll eliminate the logical, starting with you." The gears have turned. He squeezes the trigger.
- Chapter 1:
Still WIP, check back later!!
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| | | alison Regular Fantagian
Posts : 229 Join date : 2012-08-02 Age : 24 Location : london
| Subject: Re: Deceit Logic {Story by Madoka} Wed Oct 30, 2013 10:07 am | |
| this is incredibly well written for someone your age wow. i've spotted some punctuation errors in the dialogue but other than that, this is really good! | |
| | | evan Hero Fantagian
Posts : 5295 Join date : 2012-11-03 Age : 21 Location : upstate baby
| Subject: Re: Deceit Logic {Story by Madoka} Wed Oct 30, 2013 10:28 am | |
| Ahh ok! I have a simple idea for chapter 1 which should be up before this weekend! | |
| | | Lord Voldemort Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4705 Join date : 2012-08-28 Age : 24 Location : The dark kingdom and it's shadows.
| Subject: Re: Deceit Logic {Story by Madoka} Wed Oct 30, 2013 7:46 pm | |
| This is pretty good for something written of your age (I make no sense, I know ), no way could my sister pull this off quite yet. Nice! | |
| | | o Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4270 Join date : 2011-11-11 Age : 23
| Subject: Re: Deceit Logic {Story by Madoka} Wed Oct 30, 2013 9:28 pm | |
| it looks really interesting! i'm excited to see the next chapter. just fix those verb tense errors and put it into paragraphs and you'll be good to go! | |
| | | evan Hero Fantagian
Posts : 5295 Join date : 2012-11-03 Age : 21 Location : upstate baby
| Subject: Re: Deceit Logic {Story by Madoka} Wed Oct 30, 2013 9:52 pm | |
| ahh ok, i'll find all the mistakes xD (IM BAD AT EVERYTHING XDDD)
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| | | alison Regular Fantagian
Posts : 229 Join date : 2012-08-02 Age : 24 Location : london
| Subject: Re: Deceit Logic {Story by Madoka} Thu Oct 31, 2013 3:36 am | |
| have you ever considered taking up the nanowrimo challenge? basically, you have to write a novel of 50000 words during the month of november and the winner gets $2000! i'll actually write a separate topic about it wait | |
| | | Lord Voldemort Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4705 Join date : 2012-08-28 Age : 24 Location : The dark kingdom and it's shadows.
| Subject: Re: Deceit Logic {Story by Madoka} Thu Oct 31, 2013 2:26 pm | |
| When is the next chapter going to be ready? What day during the weekend? | |
| | | evan Hero Fantagian
Posts : 5295 Join date : 2012-11-03 Age : 21 Location : upstate baby
| Subject: Re: Deceit Logic {Story by Madoka} Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:30 pm | |
| Hmm, probably by Sunday.... Ahh, maybe I'll try! | |
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