| | Today- A Poem |  |
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Oliver
Moderator
Posts : 4588
Join date : 2010-03-03
Age : 24
Location : *lights up a fire* yeah, trying to surivve in a fores.t *smokse a cig* il kill you
| Subject: Today- A Poem  Thu Feb 10, 2011 10:51 pm | |
| This is a poem I wrote for writing class.. Im quite proud of it. If anyone wants to critique it, please do! - Today-A Poem:
Today
Today I got called a liar.
I am not a liar.
I walk outside and see him.
...He looks sad.
Knocking on the door, his mom answers.
...May I play with Henry?
She screams and closes the door.
He calls me a fool.
I am not a fool.
So I punch him. But all I feel is the air,
And me falling.
...
Today I woke up dressed in white.
...I wasn't dressed like this before.
My other clothing is hanging.
Its stained red.
I hear a man saying "She's alive!"
I shuffle my arms. He enters the room.
He hugs me, but all I feel is the air,
and me crying.
...
Though the meaning is quite obvious, what do you think is happening? | |
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kiki424
Passionate Fantagian
Posts : 937
Join date : 2010-01-26
Location : Some where in a parallel universe
| | Subject: Re: Today- A Poem Fri Feb 11, 2011 5:08 pm | |
| I believe the correct term is saw not see on the 3rd line of the poem. Other than it its pretty good :3 | |
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Makkine
Moderator
Posts : 2772
Join date : 2010-05-17
Age : 26
Location : Woah
| | Subject: Re: Today- A Poem Fri Feb 11, 2011 5:15 pm | |
| - kiki424 wrote:
- I believe the correct term is saw not see on the 3rd line of the poem. Other than it its pretty good :3
No, it's in present tense. As for the poem itself, I love it, but I think you might want to cut down on the ellipses. | |
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sahilin
Senior Fantagian
Posts : 356
Join date : 2010-11-01
Location : Good Question.
| | Subject: Re: Today- A Poem Fri Feb 11, 2011 6:08 pm | |
| I love it! I like the meaning of the poem. But the poem sounds so sad and depressing. In the second statsa it has 6 lines it is supposed to be 5 that is what i learned in language arts class last year. | |
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Oliver
Moderator
Posts : 4588
Join date : 2010-03-03
Age : 24
Location : *lights up a fire* yeah, trying to surivve in a fores.t *smokse a cig* il kill you
| | Subject: Re: Today- A Poem Fri Feb 11, 2011 6:52 pm | |
| - sahilin wrote:
- I love it! I like the meaning of the poem. But the poem sounds so sad and depressing. In the second statsa it has 6 lines it is supposed to be 5 that is what i learned in language arts class last year.
Its free verse, Its not supposed to have a specific order. @Kiki: Its in present tense. @Makki: AHGAHAG ELLIPSES ARE WONDERFUL D: NO just kidding.. But.. Yeah. | |
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Monsterbunny
Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1425
Join date : 2010-12-11
Age : 24
Location : Behind you
| | Subject: Re: Today- A Poem Fri Feb 11, 2011 9:12 pm | |
| i dont get it at the end... | |
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Relora
Hero Fantagian
Posts : 6776
Join date : 2010-11-30
Age : 26
Location : Define "Location"
| | Subject: Re: Today- A Poem Sat Feb 12, 2011 7:18 am | |
| Nice poem
I never really was in poetry though so what i said means alot... | |
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Monsterbunny
Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1425
Join date : 2010-12-11
Age : 24
Location : Behind you
| | Subject: Re: Today- A Poem Sat Feb 12, 2011 11:39 am | |
| omg i ove it(now i understand it...fire and ice is my favorite one from robert frost
Some Say The World Will End In Fire,
Some Say In Ice,
From What Ive Tasted In Desire,
I Hold With Those Who Favor Fire
But If It Had To Perish Twice,
I Think I Know Enough Of Hate
To Say That For Destruction Ice
Is Also Great And Would Suffice | |
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Oliver
Moderator
Posts : 4588
Join date : 2010-03-03
Age : 24
Location : *lights up a fire* yeah, trying to surivve in a fores.t *smokse a cig* il kill you
| | Subject: Re: Today- A Poem Sat Feb 12, 2011 12:50 pm | |
| - mjmjrocks05 wrote:
- omg i ove it(now i understand it...fire and ice is my favorite one from robert frost
Some Say The World Will End In Fire,
Some Say In Ice,
From What Ive Tasted In Desire,
I Hold With Those Who Favor Fire
But If It Had To Perish Twice,
I Think I Know Enough Of Hate
To Say That For Destruction Ice
Is Also Great And Would Suffice Ooh! I love Robert Frost! | |
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Monsterbunny
Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1425
Join date : 2010-12-11
Age : 24
Location : Behind you
| | Subject: Re: Today- A Poem Mon May 16, 2011 3:01 pm | |
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