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| | The end.- A story by Kawaii Maker. |  |
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Oliver
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Posts : 4588
Join date : 2010-03-03
Age : 24
Location : *lights up a fire* yeah, trying to surivve in a fores.t *smokse a cig* il kill you
| Subject: The end.- A story by Kawaii Maker.  Sun Jun 13, 2010 8:23 pm | |
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Proulogue
“Hoshi”
“Thats my name! Dont forget it.”
“Sure.”
We had met a few days before.
Before it happened.
It was coincidential, since we were gonna see each other alot more.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”
“My dad works here..”
“Oh...”
“Hoshi....”
“I cant stand it!”
“Your to sensible.”
“...”
This happened after the incident, but before the funeral.
You see, my name is Oracio.
My dads an undertaker, sometimes I help him.
Not usually, but that time, I did.
Hoshi’s brother had died of a disease.
I personally think she over exaggerated, but heck, people are different.
Oh darn it no! I just gave you a spoiler! DARN. DARN. DARN.
The part where Hoshi’s brother dies comes way later!
Aggh!
Ah oh well, enjoy the story.
Last edited by Kawaii Maker on Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:13 am; edited 1 time in total | |
| | | | Trash
Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1685
Join date : 2010-01-31
Age : 26
| | Subject: Re: The end.- A story by Kawaii Maker. Sun Jun 13, 2010 8:39 pm | |
| Its a nice story so far, but as I told you, you used gonna in the narrating.
“Your to sensible.”
You wrote that, here's how you spell YOU-ARE correctly, ''You're.'' You-are stands for you're. Get it? Fix that.
Also, in this part:
''My dads a undertaker, sometimes I help him.''
the word 'dads' is supposed to have an approstrophe somewhere, but I can't remember. You should have written:
''My dad is an''...
Sorry, im a spelling freak. | |
| | | | Oliver
Moderator
Posts : 4588
Join date : 2010-03-03
Age : 24
Location : *lights up a fire* yeah, trying to surivve in a fores.t *smokse a cig* il kill you
| | Subject: Re: The end.- A story by Kawaii Maker. Sun Jun 13, 2010 8:40 pm | |
| Hes supposed to say gonna.
x3 | |
| | | | Trash
Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1685
Join date : 2010-01-31
Age : 26
| | Subject: Re: The end.- A story by Kawaii Maker. Sun Jun 13, 2010 8:42 pm | |
| Probably, but its still the narrating, you should put it with [''-''] | |
| | | | Oliver
Moderator
Posts : 4588
Join date : 2010-03-03
Age : 24
Location : *lights up a fire* yeah, trying to surivve in a fores.t *smokse a cig* il kill you
| | Subject: Re: The end.- A story by Kawaii Maker. Sun Jun 13, 2010 8:43 pm | |
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| | | | pokeranger
Hero Fantagian
Posts : 5454
Join date : 2010-01-29
Age : 25
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| | Subject: Re: The end.- A story by Kawaii Maker. Sun Jun 13, 2010 11:23 pm | |
| It is my dad's AN undertaker.
Any word that starts with a vowel and has a behind it, change it to an. | |
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