Icarus Fell Junior Fantagian
Posts : 65 Join date : 2014-04-29 Age : 25 Location : Behind your cabinet. Or maybe in your air vent.
| Subject: A little story I made. Wed Apr 30, 2014 2:57 pm | |
| Here's a little tale I made for my little brother: - The Upside Down A::
A green sign reading: 'Chanels Street' stood as if on lookout duty. It stood near a narrow street within the belly of London. The street was barely wide enough for two horses to walk beside each other on the broken pavement. The pavement, in all its stunning ruins, looked as if someone had taken a pickaxe and assiduously slammed the pavement with enough force to make a chain of cracks rip open on the ground, many of them now conquered with weeds. When the horses were parked on the side of the narrow street, it became an obstacle course for passersby and pedestrians alike. Each house on this narrow street was deep and narrow, with vines climbing up and devouring their very being. The lawns were tangled with weeds and wild flowers, each lawn a small oasis in the middle of the tired worn down neighborhood. Now, in this narrow street, there stood a bakery. And in this bakery there were two men: A grandfather and his grandson. Now, most bakeries had cabinets full of many delicious cakes and goodies. However, this bakery's cabinets were empty, and there stood only one lone cake on one lone table in one lone room in the one lone bakery. For these bakers had barely any money. They lived in the depths of poverty, where a can of sardines was considered a luxury. Everyday, the grandfather and his grandson stood in front of their shop jingling a small can of rocks and calling out for passersby to come and at least look inside of their shop. And everyday, they were ignored and often yelled at and beat (the rock jingling got annoying at times). One day, as the grandfather and grandson were jingling their rocks and calling out for passersby to come and check out their shop, a man in a long black woolen coat trying to avoid the bustling horses caught his foot on a crack and fell right in front of the bakery. Out of his coat pockets fell a bundle of coins, enough to last the grandfather and his grandson 3 months in food supply. The grandfather and grandson bolted to the man, like an olympic champion at the start gun. The grandson quickly started gathering all the coins, his hands moving at lightning speed. The grandfather went to the man. Now, did the grandson take the coins and run back to the shop with them? And did the grandfather distract the man so that he could do so? No. Not today. Not ever. Instead, the grandson ran back to the man and gave him his coins. The grandfather had helped the man up. The man thanked the two men, surprised, and told them in a raspy tone: "Turn the A on your sign upside down. Surely, it'll bring you good fortune." The grandfather and grandson were confused as to why, but they did so. The next morning a young girl passed by the shop. She noticed the upside down A, and walked in to tell the store owners of the mistake. Before she could tell them of the 'mistake', she was caught by a wonderful smell. She ran to the lone cake on the lone table in the lone bakery in the middle of the lone room. The smell overpowered her senses, and she became desperate to buy the cake. The grandfather and grandson were VERY surprised that there was someone in their shop, and they stuttered, asking the girl what she wanted. "'Scuse me, sir. But how much is this cake?" she asked. "Exactly 6 diltas," the grandson answered. "Only 6! For a giant cake like this! You must be forgetting a few zeroes or something!" she shouted. "Only 6." the grandfather said. The girl hurriedly bought the cake, eager to share it with her fellow townsfolk (she was the sharing type). Every person who she shared the cake with gawked in amazement, and asked her where she got the cake from. And every time they asked, she answered: "The bakery with the upsidedown A on Chanels Street!" Soon, people were flooding into the grandson and grandfather's shop, ordering and buying product after product. That evening, as the shadows of the night melted away into the lowering sun, and the streetlamps lowered their graceful heads, lapping the street with a pool of dingy yellow light, the old man and his grandson knew: That never again, would they have to worry about going to bed with an empty stomach. And never again would they have to jingle their can of rocks to bring customers; all thanks to the man they helped, and their Upside Down A! ~~Le End~~
Please critique! Feel free to be rude if you need to get your point across. ^.^ Myself, I think the story has too much detail, and too little story. What do you think? ._. And thanks a whole bunch if you actually read the whole thing. Have a virtual cookie. Sending... SENT. | |
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