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 Some Poems i made for skool.... What do u ppl think of them?

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Vatt
Senior Fantagian


Posts : 499
Join date : 2010-04-15
Age : 20
Location : Pizza Land

PostSubject: Some Poems i made for skool.... What do u ppl think of them?   Thu Jun 03, 2010 9:37 pm

i wanted to know what u ppl thought of these 2 poems i have made... Theyre for skool, =D



My Memory



You fly above the skies

You fly over my heart

You fly around my head

You fly under my soul



Always missing

I’m always losing



A saying

That is

In my

Head

Is

True



I am rubber

And I forgot

you







My Reflection



I am looking

At a

Surface,

That is like no

Other



It’s shiny

It’s glossy

It’s smooth

It’s very pretty

Especially when I look into it



Is mine

Now yours

Then the cats

And back to me

And next a wall



I go

Back

To my shiny

Surface

And I see…



I see...

Me,

And the

Wall

Behind me







OoOoO~Vatt~OoOoO

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Sakura
Devoted Fantagian


Posts : 585
Join date : 2010-01-27
Location : The Sky

PostSubject: Re: Some Poems i made for skool.... What do u ppl think of them?   Thu Jun 03, 2010 10:23 pm

Those are very charming!
I love them!
Try using some more figurative language/sound devices such as repetition and alliteration. Your poetry is strong, but sound devices will help with the flow! 10/10
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Trash
Loyal Fantagian


Posts : 1685
Join date : 2010-01-31
Age : 18

PostSubject: Re: Some Poems i made for skool.... What do u ppl think of them?   Thu Jun 03, 2010 10:31 pm

You have great poetry skills, but you repeat things way too much.
As Sakura always says, if you add more rich vocabulary it would turn out better.
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PostSubject: Re: Some Poems i made for skool.... What do u ppl think of them?   Today at 11:35 am

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