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 The one who laughs last

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Toochey-cookey
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:03 pm

Tiny-Shrimp wrote:
Toochey-cookey wrote:
dont make fun of ppl who have glasses.cuz i do >.< tweehwee tongue

What are you talking about? Notice the <3 at the end of glassesguy. Lol.
\


she may be lieing..... ll looks around with squinty eyes ll
<.< ^.^ >.>
ll looks around with oval eyes ll
o.O O.O O.o
ll looks around with regular eyes ll
<-.<- ^.^ ->.->
l l
hope she did not hear thatttttt....... Arrow
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nymphie
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Fri Oct 08, 2010 10:49 pm

u are a awesome writer my friend please compare notes with me because i would love that this is how the first sentence in my book goes i just wish it was better cause i'm on the 480th page due to the fact i worked on it a bit and just tell me alright?

do u like this sentence

Isadora closed her eyes as Xavier kissed her with a feeling of pure love and nothing more.

so do you like it because this is before a huge battle sequence and i don't know tell me if i need to add something
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Toochey-cookey
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Fri Oct 08, 2010 10:52 pm

love the sentence!♥♥♥
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Nakira
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Fri Oct 08, 2010 11:07 pm

I wear glasses. XD I think guys with glasses are really... *melts* SO CUTEEEEE.
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Toochey-cookey
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Fri Oct 08, 2010 11:08 pm

Nakira wrote:
I wear glasses. XD I think guys with glasses are really... *melts* SO CUTEEEEE.

lol thanx now i beleive joo!

o.O O.O O.o

hope noone heard that.....
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Oliver
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Fri Oct 08, 2010 11:21 pm

harrypotter15 wrote:
u are a awesome writer my friend please compare notes with me because i would love that this is how the first sentence in my book goes i just wish it was better cause i'm on the 480th page due to the fact i worked on it a bit and just tell me alright?

do u like this sentence

Isadora closed her eyes as Xavier kissed her with a feeling of pure love and nothing more.

so do you like it because this is before a huge battle sequence and i don't know tell me if i need to add something

Hmph? Im not Iluv, but I love critiquing. Surprised
Anyways, did you get Isadora from a series of unfortunate events? Im just saying, sometimes when I read a name I saw in another book, I imagine them as that character, and it gets akward. xE

Lets see, "Pure love and nothing more." Is that how your book begins? Nice beggining.
But, "Pure Love and nothing more" sounds a bit odd.

Im not as good as Iluv, but what if you did something like this?: Love. That was all Isadora felt as Xavier kissed her passionately, all of her troubles had drifted away... But would soon be back.

xD
Im sorry, I am not a great author, she will probably critique soon... I think she likes critiquing too? xD
But yeaahh.... Razz

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whiteout
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Fri Oct 08, 2010 11:27 pm

How do you make a topic? I want to make a topic for I can write a story.
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Makkine
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Fri Oct 08, 2010 11:31 pm

harrypotter15 wrote:
u are a awesome writer my friend please compare notes with me because i would love that this is how the first sentence in my book goes i just wish it was better cause i'm on the 480th page due to the fact i worked on it a bit and just tell me alright?

do u like this sentence

Isadora closed her eyes as Xavier kissed her with a feeling of pure love and nothing more.

so do you like it because this is before a huge battle sequence and i don't know tell me if i need to add something
I need to read the rest of the book, to see if it fits, but just based off the sentence, I find it weirdly written. How about, "Isadora closed her eyes as Xavier's lips touched her's, and she felt nothing other then pure love," However, opur writing styles are very different, so I'm not sure. It's a great beginning, though! I want to read some more.

Quote :
How do you make a topic? I want to make a topic for I can write a story.
Go to the correct category, and then select the "new topic" button on the top left corner.
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Nakira
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Fri Oct 08, 2010 11:41 pm

Toochey-cookey wrote:
Nakira wrote:
I wear glasses. XD I think guys with glasses are really... *melts* SO CUTEEEEE.

lol thanx now i beleive joo!

o.O O.O O.o

hope noone heard that.....

XD

They're just something about guys with glasses... *dorky grin*
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Toochey-cookey
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Fri Oct 08, 2010 11:55 pm

lol there is i like guys wif glasses too!
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nymphie
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Mon Oct 11, 2010 11:25 am

sure i will send in the parts of the book to you cause i finished it yesterday and i am sending it to scholastic i am so excited maybe you should do the same i really hope they like it cause i would be so rich even though i don't have a cover design but i want it to be in manga/anime form because it would look so different and outspoken i also got my grammar obsessed dad to fix all my grammar and stuff like that off there well i really hope they like it and if not i will keep on trying but yeah your stories are great i

well the first chapter is all about how they're family members all die and the two sisters survive

the second chapter is a good 5 years later where they live with other kids

WARNING:several deaths in the book
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Nakira
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Mon Oct 11, 2010 5:28 pm

By the way, what color are Mr. Thernal's eyes?
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Oliver
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Mon Oct 11, 2010 5:32 pm

harrypotter15 wrote:
sure i will send in the parts of the book to you cause i finished it yesterday and i am sending it to scholastic i am so excited maybe you should do the same i really hope they like it cause i would be so rich even though i don't have a cover design but i want it to be in manga/anime form because it would look so different and outspoken i also got my grammar obsessed dad to fix all my grammar and stuff like that off there well i really hope they like it and if not i will keep on trying but yeah your stories are great i

well the first chapter is all about how they're family members all die and the two sisters survive

the second chapter is a good 5 years later where they live with other kids

WARNING:several deaths in the book


You do realize scholastic may NOT accept your book?

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Makkine
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:03 pm

Nakira wrote:
By the way, what color are Mr. Thernal's eyes?
Wh-Why do you want to know that? O.O. You'll find out soon enough? (fidgets and tries to make it sound all plot-important when in fact it's just because I don't know).
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Toochey-cookey
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:21 pm

WAIT!I HAVE SOMEYTHING IMPORTANT TO SAY!Do you like pancakes?Lol that wasn't the question.Here it is.What was the title of the book again????
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Makkine
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:23 pm

Harry Potter's Book: Call of the Dawning. I think.

My book: Not quite sure, "The One wHo Laughs Last" was just the first thing that came up. I'm thinking "Manteio" or "Happenings at Umsere", but I need help.
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Toochey-cookey
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:24 pm

IluvJB36 wrote:
Harry Potter's Book: Call of the Dawning. I think.

My book: Not quite sure, "The One wHo Laughs Last" was just the first thing that came up. I'm thinking "Manteio" or "Happenings at Umsere", but I need help.

Thanks!Also,maybe I'll read your book too!
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:25 pm

HOW DARE YOU COMMETN ON THIS PAGE WITHOUT CHECKING THE FIRST PAGE TO READ MY STORY!!!!?=!?!?!??!!?! CURSED MAY YOU BE, CURSED I SAY!
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Toochey-cookey
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:27 pm

IluvJB36 wrote:
HOW DARE YOU COMMETN ON THIS PAGE WITHOUT CHECKING THE FIRST PAGE TO READ MY STORY!!!!?=!?!?!??!!?! CURSED MAY YOU BE, CURSED I SAY!

Dude,chill out I read most of the story,right after ALMOST finishing it,I got kicked off.O.o.....chill out.
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Makkine
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:29 pm

That... That was a joke... I'm cool with you not reading my story.... 0_0
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Toochey-cookey
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:58 pm

IluvJB36 wrote:
That... That was a joke... I'm cool with you not reading my story.... 0_0

Lol,oh,its okay idc if someone really does that to meh anyways.....Hey,guess what???
CAN JOO BE MEH FRIEND????
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Fri Oct 15, 2010 1:04 pm

Spoiler:
 

I hate this chapter. It's so boring and undescriptive, nevermind short. Nothing happened! However, we need a transition for the next one, so...

Actually, I think this chapter is very post-modern, or meta. It's supposed to represent the feelings of ennui that Julia felt, ok? So take that, good writing!

EDIT: Nakira made an epic-awesome picture of Julia, but I had to delete the background in order to fix her hair. I'm sorry... Anywho, here it is:
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Nakira
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Fri Oct 15, 2010 3:17 pm

I think you used enough description, although not much happened in the chapter. Now I want the next chapter after you said this was a transition. >_>''

Mr. Thernall.... 8D
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Sun Oct 17, 2010 10:52 am

Oh, no, nothing exciting is going to happen the next chapter either... This is a transition to a bunch of exposition. Although we are getting a few things explained. (What are Manteío, The difference between Poesin and Usmere, and a few other random strings I need to tie up, but I am going to leave a few things unanswered.) I'm going to leave a lot of things unanswered in this whole story, specifically a few of the most interesting questions... Because I'm evil like that. >8D (Although if enough people want it, I could answer them in a sequel, not very likely since only you and dad read my story... [/depression] )

But he only appeared in one sentence! O.O
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Nakira
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PostSubject: Re: The one who laughs last   Sun Oct 17, 2010 12:00 pm

Oh, well. It's still nice to have some stuff explained. And I think it's better to let other things unexplained. You need MOAR readers. >:U

An awesome sentence. 8D
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