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 Zombie apocalypse story I thought about XD

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Relora
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PostSubject: Zombie apocalypse story I thought about XD   Mon Oct 10, 2011 3:29 pm

We all know the zombies are coming soooooooo I kinda made a preface to a story I might end up working on in my free time.


Preface:
 

I might continue with it on the weekends. I'll also be glad if anyone can fix any grammatical issues in it so I can fix it XD


Last edited by Aurora on Tue Oct 11, 2011 4:01 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Zombie apocalypse story I thought about XD   Mon Oct 10, 2011 4:05 pm

I hate zombies. LOL, nice so far~ "Changelings" is a word? lol
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PostSubject: Re: Zombie apocalypse story I thought about XD   Mon Oct 10, 2011 4:49 pm

EGH
IM BAD AT GRAMMAR.
BUT OK
It's been 10 long devastating years Since December, 21st, 2012. No really knew much then. WW3 had just begun a year before. Countries had back stabbed each other, caused mass amounts of deaths, even breaching of national security in three countries. On that date rumor had it that The Eastern alliance's top scientists had created the perfect poison, the perfect drug, the perfect disease to start all out biological warfare. The Western alliance brushed off the rumor, but they themselves wished to learn. Sending hundreds of spies both alliances soon had the same torrential virus that was to render one's body to shut down and eventually reset.

Five years had passed by then, eventually the war grew worse. World hunger? Why 20 years ago world hunger would be a feast to us all. Only a few nations and countries, now it IS worldwide. America, Europe, China everywhere. People died in the very streets that had sustained life itself.The two alliances were snapping and fading away they had to make a move. The virus, which was locked away in the utmost tightest security, was brought out as one of many plans for each alliance. Bombs made, top scientists working on the first bio-bomb used for war (as they thought of it).

It's now been 3 months since it was released, since the first people were shutdown and reset... but it went wrong the virus not only made the infected lose control but the very alliance to have used it had no control as originally thought. Chaos was born for real, Cities quarantined left and right. People fighting off what we had at first called the 1"changelings"(For obvious reasons). Now it's true, there is about no hope, we are doomed to die even trying. Not it's just a frantic fight to keep alive. Me? Why I'm just a girl aspiring to join the "Exterminators". An army of civilians helping to protect everyone else from the abominations in this apocalyptic 2world...... Zombies

1:Never heard of it.

2:This isn't really a correction, but you can make it "Any army of civilians helping to protect every else from the abominations in this apocalyptic world--zombies." I think it's a suggestion. o -o

Also it's supposed to be two spaces. I think. LOO.

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PostSubject: Re: Zombie apocalypse story I thought about XD   Mon Oct 10, 2011 6:13 pm

Mr.Taost wrote:
EGH
IM BAD AT GRAMMAR.
BUT OK
It's been 10 long devastating years Since December, 21st, 2012. No really knew much then. WW3 had just begun a year before. Countries had back stabbed each other, caused mass amounts of deaths, even breaching of national security in three countries. On that date rumor had it that The Eastern alliance's top scientists had created the perfect poison, the perfect drug, the perfect disease to start all out biological warfare. The Western alliance brushed off the rumor, but they themselves wished to learn. Sending hundreds of spies both alliances soon had the same torrential virus that was to render one's body to shut down and eventually reset.

Five years had passed by then, eventually the war grew worse. World hunger? Why 20 years ago world hunger would be a feast to us all. Only a few nations and countries, now it IS worldwide. America, Europe, China everywhere. People died in the very streets that had sustained life itself.The two alliances were snapping and fading away they had to make a move. The virus, which was locked away in the utmost tightest security, was brought out as one of many plans for each alliance. Bombs made, top scientists working on the first bio-bomb used for war (as they thought of it).

It's now been 3 months since it was released, since the first people were shutdown and reset... but it went wrong the virus not only made the infected lose control but the very alliance to have used it had no control as originally thought. Chaos was born for real, Cities quarantined left and right. People fighting off what we had at first called the 1"changelings"(For obvious reasons). Now it's true, there is about no hope, we are doomed to die even trying. Not it's just a frantic fight to keep alive. Me? Why I'm just a girl aspiring to join the "Exterminators". An army of civilians helping to protect everyone else from the abominations in this apocalyptic 2world...... Zombies

1:Never heard of it.

2:This isn't really a correction, but you can make it "Any army of civilians helping to protect every else from the abominations in this apocalyptic world--zombies." I think it's a suggestion. o -o

Also it's supposed to be two spaces. I think. LOO.


Help appreciated... 2 spaces as in? That part confused me XD

Changelings was the wrong word thanks for pointing it out lol
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PostSubject: Re: Zombie apocalypse story I thought about XD   Mon Oct 10, 2011 8:35 pm

Bold - What I corrected/added in.
(italicized) - Comments
Strike - Not needed/delete/erase
" " - Highlight what I am commenting on

It's been ten(#1-10 should be spelled out) long devastating years since December,(is that the proper way to write a date?) 21st, 2012. No one(?) really knew much then. World War III had just begun a year before. Countries had back stabbed each other, caused mass amounts of deaths, "even breaching of national security in three countries"(The last part is confusing. What are you trying to say? Keep parallel structure.). On that date, rumor had it that The Eastern alliance's top scientists had(had is not necessary. using "created" alone makes it more direct.) created the perfect poison, the perfect drug, the perfect disease to start an(?) all out biological warfare. The Western alliance brushed off the rumor, but they themselves wished to learn. Sending hundreds of spies, both alliances soon had the same torrential virus that "was to"(Is this really needed? Can you not just say 'rendered'? IMO I think saying "was to" makes the writing sound indirect.) render one's body to shut down and eventually reset.

Five years had passed by. then, Eventually, the war grew worse. World hunger? Why, 20 years ago world hunger would be a feast to us all. "Only a few nations and countries, now it IS worldwide."(a very non-clear sentence. I advise to read out loud and rephrase) "America, Europe, China everywhere." (fragment) People died in the very streets that had sustained life itself.The two alliances were snapping and fading away they had to make a move. The virus, which was locked away in the utmost tightest security, was brought out as one of many plans for each alliance. "Bombs made," (This sentence is very confusing and poorly structured.)top scientists working on the first bio-bomb used for war (as they thought of it).

It's now been 3 months since it was released, since the first people were shutdown and reset.... But it went wrong. The virus not only made the infected lose control, "but the very alliance to have used it had no control as originally thought"(I suggest not wording your sentences so confusing and oddly. I can see you want it to have a specific tone to it, but this will confuse your reader. If you want to give off a specific tone, think about using specific words for your word choices.) Chaos was officially born for real. Cities quarantined left and right. "People fighting off,(?) what we had at first called the "changelings"(For obvious reasons)."(fragment: missing verb) Now it's true; there was(Keep your verb tenses consistence. You cannot keep changing from present to past tense.) [s]about[/s] no hope. We are doomed to die even trying. "Not it's"(Stop wording your sentences weird.) It wasn't just a frantic fight to keep alive. Me?(What is referring to "Me?" I'm confused how and why that statement got there.) Why, I'm just a girl aspiring to join the "Exterminators", an army of civilians helping to protect everyone else from the abominations in this apocalyptic world...... Zombies.


Note:Don't try too hard to word your sentences differently. Wording them differently can throw the reader off of what you really want to say. I won't lie; I got lost in the story a couple times. If you wanted to give a specific tone to your story, use words that fit with that type of tone you aimed for. Hopefully this helped. o3o
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PostSubject: Re: Zombie apocalypse story I thought about XD   Tue Oct 11, 2011 12:44 am

Aurora wrote:
Mr.Taost wrote:
EGH
IM BAD AT GRAMMAR.
BUT OK
It's been 10 long devastating years Since December, 21st, 2012. No really knew much then. WW3 had just begun a year before. Countries had back stabbed each other, caused mass amounts of deaths, even breaching of national security in three countries. On that date rumor had it that The Eastern alliance's top scientists had created the perfect poison, the perfect drug, the perfect disease to start all out biological warfare. The Western alliance brushed off the rumor, but they themselves wished to learn. Sending hundreds of spies both alliances soon had the same torrential virus that was to render one's body to shut down and eventually reset.

Five years had passed by then, eventually the war grew worse. World hunger? Why 20 years ago world hunger would be a feast to us all. Only a few nations and countries, now it IS worldwide. America, Europe, China everywhere. People died in the very streets that had sustained life itself.The two alliances were snapping and fading away they had to make a move. The virus, which was locked away in the utmost tightest security, was brought out as one of many plans for each alliance. Bombs made, top scientists working on the first bio-bomb used for war (as they thought of it).

It's now been 3 months since it was released, since the first people were shutdown and reset... but it went wrong the virus not only made the infected lose control but the very alliance to have used it had no control as originally thought. Chaos was born for real, Cities quarantined left and right. People fighting off what we had at first called the 1"changelings"(For obvious reasons). Now it's true, there is about no hope, we are doomed to die even trying. Not it's just a frantic fight to keep alive. Me? Why I'm just a girl aspiring to join the "Exterminators". An army of civilians helping to protect everyone else from the abominations in this apocalyptic 2world...... Zombies

1:Never heard of it.

2:This isn't really a correction, but you can make it "Any army of civilians helping to protect every else from the abominations in this apocalyptic world--zombies." I think it's a suggestion. o -o

Also it's supposed to be two spaces. I think. LOO.


Help appreciated... 2 spaces as in? That part confused me XD

Changelings was the wrong word thanks for pointing it out lol

You're welcome. I meant "Two spaces" by every sentence you make should start with two spaces and not one. xD
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PostSubject: Re: Zombie apocalypse story I thought about XD   Tue Oct 11, 2011 3:59 pm

Crownie wrote:
Bold - What I corrected/added in.
(italicized) - Comments
Strike - Not needed/delete/erase
" " - Highlight what I am commenting on

It's been ten(#1-10 should be spelled out) long devastating years since December,(is that the proper way to write a date?) 21st, 2012. No one(?) really knew much then. World War III had just begun a year before. Countries had back stabbed each other, caused mass amounts of deaths, "even breaching of national security in three countries"(The last part is confusing. What are you trying to say? Keep parallel structure.). On that date, rumor had it that The Eastern alliance's top scientists had(had is not necessary. using "created" alone makes it more direct.) created the perfect poison, the perfect drug, the perfect disease to start an(?) all out biological warfare. The Western alliance brushed off the rumor, but they themselves wished to learn. Sending hundreds of spies, both alliances soon had the same torrential virus that "was to"(Is this really needed? Can you not just say 'rendered'? IMO I think saying "was to" makes the writing sound indirect.) render one's body to shut down and eventually reset.

Five years had passed by. then, Eventually, the war grew worse. World hunger? Why, 20 years ago world hunger would be a feast to us all. "Only a few nations and countries, now it IS worldwide."(a very non-clear sentence. I advise to read out loud and rephrase) "America, Europe, China everywhere." (fragment) People died in the very streets that had sustained life itself.The two alliances were snapping and fading away they had to make a move. The virus, which was locked away in the utmost tightest security, was brought out as one of many plans for each alliance. "Bombs made," (This sentence is very confusing and poorly structured.)top scientists working on the first bio-bomb used for war (as they thought of it).

It's now been 3 months since it was released, since the first people were shutdown and reset.... But it went wrong. The virus not only made the infected lose control, "but the very alliance to have used it had no control as originally thought"(I suggest not wording your sentences so confusing and oddly. I can see you want it to have a specific tone to it, but this will confuse your reader. If you want to give off a specific tone, think about using specific words for your word choices.) Chaos was officially born for real. Cities quarantined left and right. "People fighting off,(?) what we had at first called the "changelings"(For obvious reasons)."(fragment: missing verb) Now it's true; there was(Keep your verb tenses consistence. You cannot keep changing from present to past tense.) [s]about[/s] no hope. We are doomed to die even trying. "Not it's"(Stop wording your sentences weird.) It wasn't just a frantic fight to keep alive. Me?(What is referring to "Me?" I'm confused how and why that statement got there.) Why, I'm just a girl aspiring to join the "Exterminators", an army of civilians helping to protect everyone else from the abominations in this apocalyptic world...... Zombies.


Note:Don't try too hard to word your sentences differently. Wording them differently can throw the reader off of what you really want to say. I won't lie; I got lost in the story a couple times. If you wanted to give a specific tone to your story, use words that fit with that type of tone you aimed for. Hopefully this helped. o3o

Thanks, most of the times I worded sentences weird was typos or leaving out words (I tend to do that when I have an idea in mind).

Thank chu very much ^^
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PostSubject: Re: Zombie apocalypse story I thought about XD   Wed Oct 12, 2011 10:05 pm

You are very welcome (:
Glad I can help.
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PostSubject: Re: Zombie apocalypse story I thought about XD   Today at 8:46 am

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