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| | *A MUST READ* Poem. |  |
| | | Author | Message |
|---|
Lord Voldemort
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4705
Join date : 2012-08-28
Age : 25
Location : The dark kingdom and it's shadows.
| Subject: *A MUST READ* Poem.  Mon Nov 19, 2012 8:25 pm | |
| My heart was once filled with joy, happiness, and light.
Most of all, light.
It shone brighter everyday that I lived, regardless of the setting of the sun.
I've tried and tried, with no success
I'm sick and tired, I'm broken.
I know they say,
"If you put your mind to it, you can conquer anything!"
But no, it's not like that anymore.
The walls are closing in, and then it hits me,
it's a race, a race for maturity.
Without it, you're looked down upon,
and with it everyone tries to get out of your line of vision.
My heart skips a beat, then it begins to speed up, i'm falling into my own hole of pity and despair. Strength is no longer a word in my vocabulary
The world is foreign.
I'm slowly being defeated.
Last edited by ᗪeepest~ßlue on Mon Nov 19, 2012 8:35 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
| | | | Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: *A MUST READ* Poem. Mon Nov 19, 2012 8:31 pm | |
| Its a nice poem. 7/10 - Edited this to make it look like a poem:
My heart was once filled with joy, happiness, and light.
Most of all, light.
It shone brighter everyday that I lived, regardless of the setting of the sun.
I've tried and tried, with no success
I'm sick and tired, I'm broken.
I know they say,
"If you put your mind to it, you can conquer anything!"
But no, it's not like that anymore.
The walls are closing in, and then it hits me,
it's a race, a race for maturity.
Without it, you're looked down upon,
and with it everyone tries to get out of your line of vision.
My heart skips a beat, then it begins to speed up, i'm falling into my own hole of pity and despair. Strength is no longer a word in my vocabulary
The world is foreign.
I'm slowly being defeated
. I have no idea how to explain this but I read it as someone talking, not a poem. |
| | | | Lord Voldemort
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4705
Join date : 2012-08-28
Age : 25
Location : The dark kingdom and it's shadows.
| | Subject: Re: *A MUST READ* Poem. Mon Nov 19, 2012 8:36 pm | |
| - Clockwork Nightmare wrote:
- Its a nice poem. 7/10
- Edited this to make it look like a poem:
My heart was once filled with joy, happiness, and light.
Most of all, light.
It shone brighter everyday that I lived, regardless of the setting of the sun.
I've tried and tried, with no success
I'm sick and tired, I'm broken.
I know they say,
"If you put your mind to it, you can conquer anything!"
But no, it's not like that anymore.
The walls are closing in, and then it hits me,
it's a race, a race for maturity.
Without it, you're looked down upon,
and with it everyone tries to get out of your line of vision.
My heart skips a beat, then it begins to speed up, i'm falling into my own hole of pity and despair. Strength is no longer a word in my vocabulary
The world is foreign.
I'm slowly being defeated
.
I have no idea how to explain this but I read it as someone talking, not a poem. Thank you, it's so kind of you BUT, this is how I actually feel. I'm pretty sad. | |
| | | | Usui
Hero Fantagian
Posts : 5275
Join date : 2011-09-09
Age : 24
Location : Worldbuscus
| | Subject: Re: *A MUST READ* Poem. Mon Nov 19, 2012 8:42 pm | |
| Nice poem, I like how it's pretty detailed. 7.8/10 | |
| | | | o
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4270
Join date : 2011-11-11
Age : 23
| | Subject: Re: *A MUST READ* Poem. Mon Nov 19, 2012 8:51 pm | |
| it is a very good poem!!! but keep in mind if u try to act mature ppl will like u less. srry, its the truth. just be u!!!!!!1 
Last edited by hop on Mon Nov 19, 2012 8:58 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
| | | | Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: *A MUST READ* Poem. Mon Nov 19, 2012 8:54 pm | |
| - ᗪeepest~ßlue wrote:
- Clockwork Nightmare wrote:
- Its a nice poem. 7/10
- Edited this to make it look like a poem:
My heart was once filled with joy, happiness, and light.
Most of all, light.
It shone brighter everyday that I lived, regardless of the setting of the sun.
I've tried and tried, with no success
I'm sick and tired, I'm broken.
I know they say,
"If you put your mind to it, you can conquer anything!"
But no, it's not like that anymore.
The walls are closing in, and then it hits me,
it's a race, a race for maturity.
Without it, you're looked down upon,
and with it everyone tries to get out of your line of vision.
My heart skips a beat, then it begins to speed up, i'm falling into my own hole of pity and despair. Strength is no longer a word in my vocabulary
The world is foreign.
I'm slowly being defeated
.
I have no idea how to explain this but I read it as someone talking, not a poem.
Thank you, it's so kind of you BUT, this is how I actually feel. I'm pretty sad. I understand. I feel that way too. Maybe use more metaphors, make it sound indirect. That's the key to poems, even if they are first person, they sound indirect. I wanna write one too. XDD |
| | | | Gabriella
Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1181
Join date : 2010-04-10
Age : 26
| | Subject: Re: *A MUST READ* Poem. Wed Nov 21, 2012 8:52 pm | |
| | |
| | | | evan
Hero Fantagian
Posts : 5295
Join date : 2012-11-03
Age : 22
Location : upstate baby
| | Subject: Re: *A MUST READ* Poem. Thu Nov 22, 2012 9:19 am | |
| - ᗪeepest~ßlue wrote:
- Clockwork Nightmare wrote:
- Edited this to make it look like a poem:
My heart was once filled with joy, happiness, and light.
Most of all, light.
It shone brighter everyday that I lived, regardless of the setting of the sun.
I've tried and tried, with no success
I'm sick and tired, I'm broken.
I know they say,
"If you put your mind to it, you can conquer anything!"
But no, it's not like that anymore.
The walls are closing in, and then it hits me,
it's a race, a race for maturity.
Without it, you're looked down upon,
and with it everyone tries to get out of your line of vision.
My heart skips a beat, then it begins to speed up, i'm falling into my own hole of pity and despair. Strength is no longer a word in my vocabulary
The world is foreign.
I'm slowly being defeated
.
I have no idea how to explain this but I read it as someone talking, not a poem.
Thank you, it's so kind of you BUT, this is how I actually feel. I'm pretty sad. Ikr thats like, everyday of my life until i touch the mouse on my computer! lolz | |
| | | | Lord Voldemort
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4705
Join date : 2012-08-28
Age : 25
Location : The dark kingdom and it's shadows.
| | Subject: Re: *A MUST READ* Poem. Thu Nov 22, 2012 5:30 pm | |
| I'm glad I related to all of you guys! That was what I was trying to get at, we all have our up's and down's and in the end we will fall. But now we should just gain our maturity and live while we're young.. Okay.. the live while we're young part wasn't in the poem.. | |
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