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| | ~Secret love~ a love story. |  |
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+14Bloobu Bluerivers1 coolkat1124 S Skai McKenna snake Karen pokeranger roxine v Nakira kiki424 Lyli 18 posters | |
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Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)
| Subject: ~Secret love~ a love story.  Fri Jul 23, 2010 4:51 pm | |
| New story x3 (BTW, the people in this story are supposed to be English. Please read the character's dialogue in an English accent. kthx.) ~Preview~ - Spoiler:
“Julia, are you ever going to tell him that you love him?”
“I can’t.”
“You know you can’t hide your secret from him forever.”
“Watch me.” I lied.
Keeping this secret from him was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Denying my secret was worse.
~Chapter 1~ - Spoiler:
~London, England, The Cottage~
~3:56 P.M~
“Darling!” my mother shouted from the kitchen.
“I’ll be right there, mum!”
My mother walked out from the kitchen, giving me the death glare.
“What?” I rolled my eyes.
My mom sighed.
“Darling,” My mom sat down on the couch, “You know your previous boyfriend, Trevor?”
“Unfortunately,”
“Well, your father and I have been thinking that he might have influenced you,”
“What?”
“You’ve been acting quiet immature recently,” my mom paused to read my reaction, “And rebellious?”
“Whatever,” I stood up to leave, but paused midway when my mom began to speak again.
“That’s why we’re sending you to boarding school.”
I raised my eyebrows, “Boarding school?”
“Mhmm,” my mother said proudly
“There’s no way I’m going to some preppy, rich kid, boarding school.”
“Well, you have no choice.” she paused, “Your father and I already signed you up.”
“That’s totally unfair, I should at least have a say in what school I’m going to before you-“
“Julia, you’re going there.” she paused, “and that’s final!”
I stormed off to my bedroom.
Julia: GRACE! MY MUM IS SENDING ME TO SOME SNOTTY RICH KID BOARDING SCHOOL!
Grace: Bull!
Julia: I know, it’s sucks majorly.
Grace: what school are you going to?
Julia: St. Joseph’s prep.
Grace: OMG! I’m going there too!
Julia: Really? Thank goodness.
Grace: Yup!
I logged off, kissed my screen, and packed up my bags to go to St. Joseph’s crapstack.
~Chapter 3~ - Spoiler:
~London, England, Harrison’s dorm~ ~10:14 P.M~ “To another great year at St. Joseph’s!” Harrison shouted lifting his soda can.
“To another great year!” the crowd shouted back at Harrison.
Grace stared at Harrison in disbelief.
“Julia,” she pulled my arm, “He’s such a show off!”
“So are you,” I whisper-shouted back at Grace.
Harrison looked at me, signaling me to sit by him. Grace folded her arms, and gave me a death glare. I shrugged.
“So, you like my place?” He chuckled.
“It’s…different,” I giggled.
He inched closer to me.
I blushed.
“So, why did your parents send you here?” I asked Harrison. Making small talk was the least I could do to make him like me.
Like I needed that.
“Well, my father thinks that I’m quote unquote ‘bratty’ so yeah.”
“My mum thinks I’m ‘immature’”
“I do like troublemakers myself,” he winked at me.
“Rich troublemakers,” Lucas coughed.
“Oh shut up, Lucas.” Harrison threw his empty soda can at Lucas.
“You only like rich girls?”
I panicked. He would soon figure out that I’m poor. Once he figures that one out, I’ll be like last night’s pork chop. Garbage.
“Well, I mean, I just prefer them.”
“Oh,” I said flatly. I tried to smile, but I frowned instead.
“What’s wrong?” He looked concerned.
“Bad sushi,” I yelled, than ran towards the double doors. I could never let him find out that I was poor. Ever.
~Chapter 4~
- Spoiler:
~London, England, Dorm 105~
~12:46 A.M~
“He was about to snog you!” Grace shouted as we entered our new dorm room.
I turned the lights on.
Our dorm could be easily mistaken for a 5-star hotel room. French double doors, two floor-to-ceiling windows, two queen size beds with tons of frilled pillows, a wide screen TV (With cable of course) Two desks, complete with two apple computers, and a mini fridge.
“Oh,” I gasped
“Mah,” Grace was about to explode.
“God!” I finished.
“This is brilliant.” Grace exclaimed.
I ran towards a bed, “I CALL THIS BED!” I jumped on the bed. It felt like rich kid.
“Haha, no fair!” Grace shouted, but smiled at the same time.
“So, I heard your convo with Harrison.”
“You did?” I raised my eyebrows.
“Yes, I did, actually.” she sat down in front of the TV, with her back facing me.
“So, you heard that he liked rich girls?” I sighed.
“Yep, which makes you totally uneligible.”
“You know I’m poor?”
“Yeah,” she turned to face me, “You told me 2 years ago.”
“Yeahhhh,” I murmured, rolling my eyes.
“Are you ever going to tell him that you’re poor?”
“No.”
“Why nawt?” You do love him, right?”
“If I tell him that I'm poor, he won’t look at me; He’ll think I am just another girl.”
“So, you’re just going lie to him?”
“I guess?”
“He’s going to find out one way or another,” Grace said flatly as she turned off the TV.
“G’night”
Then the room went dark and cold.
Just like my spirit.
~Chapter 5~ (With a picture ;D)
- Spoiler:
~London, England, Dorm 105~ ~5:00 A.M~ “Rise and shine, sleepyhead.” I rubbed the crust off my eyes, as I saw Grace standing above me, still wearing her PJ’S. I yawned, “What time is it?” “5:00.” “Do classes really start that early?” “Yeah,” “Well, that’s bull,” “Exactly,” Grace jumped off my bed, and poured herself a cup of coffee. “So, when’s our first class?” “In 2 hours.” 2 hours? Since when do you wake up 2 hours early just to get ready? “How far away is it?” “Really far, so get ready.” “Okay.” ~ “Face it; we’re lost!” I huffed at Grace. “I told you it was this way, nitwit!” She crossed her arms, and sped up.  “If it was that way, there would be people,” I paused to motion there no people being around us with my hands, “And do you see any people?” “Whatever, we’re going to be late anyway, because of you.” “Because of me?” I raised my eyebrows. “Yes, because of you! If you didn’t take forever to get ready, I would still remember the way!” “Whatever.” I stormed off to nowhere. “Don’t you dare walk away from me!” Grace sped up her pace. “Yeah, hold on,” A familiar male voice came from behind me. I turned and came face to face with Harrison. He wore a brown leather bomber jacket, a ski hat, and skinny jeans. It was completely ah-dorable. “Hey,” I blushed. Grace lifted her head, and when she saw me and Harrison together, she almost barfed. “So, are you feeling better?” “Totally.” I smiled, and my smile screamed, “Let’s lip-kiss” As if he could hear what my lips were saying, he walked closer to me. I didn’t hesitate. He slowly closed shut his eyes. I did the same. After a split second, our lips touched. Despite the cold weather, his lips were warm. But in a good way. “Get a room!” Someone shouted I pulled away from Harrison’s grip, and saw the professor walking towards us. “You two are already late and snogging is the last thing you need to do,” Harrison whispered in my ear, “Someone doesn’t have a girlfriend.” I giggled. He was the cutest guy ever. And he was mine.
~Chapter 6~ (With another picture  )
- Spoiler:
~St. Joseph’s Prep, Library~ ~8:35 P.M~ “So, welcome to St. Joseph’s,” The professor began. “I’m sure all of you know where all of your class are.” he titled his glasses to look at me and Harrison.  I blushed. Harrison giggled nervously. “Anyway, today I will assign each of you a book report to do,” He paused to point to the self of thousands of books. “And you will be in partners.” “Wanna be my partner?” Harrison smiled at me. “Yeah,” I bit my bottom lip, smiling. He inched closer to me, I blushed. “What! No!” Grace shouted at someone. I turned around to see Lucas begging on his knees for Grace to be his partner. “Dude, stop being so desperate,” Harrison chuckled. I laughed with him. Grace ran over to me, grabbed my arm and pulled me to the corner. “Bloody, that guy is a jerk.” She turned around to see Lucas hitting on another girl. “At least my partner isn’t,” I smiled. “At least my partner isn’t” Grace mocked me. “Someone’s jealoussss,” I singed-said. “I am NAWT jealous of you and Mr. I’m-so-hot-look-at-me,” “Hey, Julia,” Harrison screamed my name from the bookshelf, signaling me to come over by him. “The I-like-rich-girls guy awaits you.” Grace walked away. I forgot about the whole, I’m-gonna-lie-to-harrison-that-I’m-rich-when-I’m-not scheme. It wasn’t the first time that I lied to one of my boyfriends. But, something made me feel crappy about the whole thing. He was the first guy that was actually into me, unlike Travis who thought a date was playing video games all day with his girlfriend cheering him on to beat the monsters. All I knew was, I couldn’t keep this up any longer.
~Chapter 7~
- Spoiler:
~St. Joseph’s Prep, Outside the Grille~ ~Before sun set~ I heard the sound of branches snapping behind me. “Harrison, is that you?” I whisper-shouted.  “Who do you think?” A guy laughed softly. Finally, he came out form behind a tree. It was Harrison. Dressed in a ski hat, skinny jeans, and an ah-dorable top. “You scared me,” I put my hand on my heart, but smiling. “I’m not that scary, am I?” He joked. I laughed. “You’re not that scary,” I joked back. “You’re funny,” Harrison looked at me straight in the eye. I bit my bottom lip. Whenever he looked at me liked that I felt important; like nothing stood in my way. Like I could do anything. “Well, is this our first official date?” “Do you want it to be?” He asked, inching closer to me. I moved farther away. “What’s wrong,” he asked; worried. But, this was truth time. This was the moment I was going to tell him. Even it meant losing him. As I was about to tell him, something hit the back of my jacket. Something wet. “What was that?” I turned around to see Grace and Lucas giggling behind a street lamp.  I was happy to see them getting along, but I was furious that they would ruin that moment. It was the perfect time to tell him the truth and- Grace saved me. I turned back, and hugged her. “What was that for?” She asked, surprised. “Thanks for saving me,” I smiled. She smiled back, “Go back to your date!” She laughed as she walked away with Lucas. “They’re hittin’ off, don’t you think?” He smiled. “Totally,” I smiled. If Grace liked Lucas, then she would like Harrison.
Last edited by Beauty26 on Fri Aug 06, 2010 3:41 pm; edited 10 times in total | |
| | | | kiki424
Passionate Fantagian
Posts : 937
Join date : 2010-01-26
Location : Some where in a parallel universe
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Fri Jul 23, 2010 5:22 pm | |
| I wanna hear more it seems sooo good! (btw luv ur avvi) | |
| | | | Nakira
Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1137
Join date : 2010-07-12
Age : 28
Location : the groan zone
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Fri Jul 23, 2010 5:23 pm | |
| The intro is pretty good, and the location sounds unique. Hope to see more! Soon! | |
| | | | v
Moderator
Posts : 9590
Join date : 2010-02-07
Age : 24
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Fri Jul 23, 2010 5:32 pm | |
| Awesome~!
I need moar!
(My fam wants me to read, so yeah. xD) | |
| | | | roxine
Regular Fantagian
Posts : 191
Join date : 2010-07-05
Age : 29
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Fri Jul 23, 2010 5:48 pm | |
| yay love stories can't wait for more  | |
| | | | Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Fri Jul 23, 2010 7:40 pm | |
| ~Chapter 1~ - Spoiler:
~London, England, The Cottage~
~3:56 P.M~
“Darling!” my mother shouted from the kitchen.
“I’ll be right there, mum!”
My mother walked out from the kitchen, giving me the death glare.
“What?” I rolled my eyes.
My mom sighed.
“Darling,” My mom sat down on the couch, “You know your previous boyfriend, Trevor?”
“Unfortunately,”
“Well, your father and I have been thinking that he might have influenced you,”
“What?”
“You’ve been acting quiet immature recently,” my mom paused to read my reaction, “And rebellious?”
“Whatever,” I stood up to leave, but paused midway when my mom began to speak again.
“That’s why we’re sending you to boarding school.”
I raised my eyebrows, “Boarding school?”
“Mhmm,” my mother said proudly
“There’s no way I’m going to some preppy, rich kid, boarding school.”
“Well, you have no choice.” she paused, “Your father and I already signed you up.”
“That’s totally unfair, I should at least have a say in what school I’m going to before you-“
“Julia, you’re going there.” she paused, “and that’s final!”
I stormed off to my bedroom.
Julia: GRACE! MY MUM IS SENDING ME TO SOME SNOTTY RICH KID BOARDING SCHOOL!
Grace: Bull!
Julia: I know, it sucks majorly.
Grace: what school are you going to?
Julia: St. Joesph’s prep.
Grace: OMG! I’m going there too!
Julia: Really? Thank goodness.
Grace: Yup!
I logged off, kissed my screen, and packed up my bags to go to St. Joesph’s crapstack.
| |
| | | | Nakira
Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1137
Join date : 2010-07-12
Age : 28
Location : the groan zone
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:36 pm | |
| You've got a pretty good start so far. Can't wait for the next chapter. :3 | |
| | | | pokeranger
Hero Fantagian
Posts : 5454
Join date : 2010-01-29
Age : 25
Location : Loading...
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 12:44 am | |
| Awesome preview! I can't wait to hear more! | |
| | | | Karen
Former Staff
Posts : 1530
Join date : 2010-01-29
Age : 24
Location : unicorns
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 1:33 am | |
| Cool! I can't wait for more ;3 | |
| | | | Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 9:30 am | |
| ~Chapter 2~ - Spoiler:
~London, England, St. Joseph’s Prep, The Lawn~
~6:30 P.M~
Grace pulled my hand, “Boys, they are everywhere!”
“Yeah, I’m not surprised.”
Grace laughed, “My mom thinks this is an all girls school!”
“Really?” I raised my eyebrows.
“Mhmmm,”
“Well, she’s gonna find out,” I smiled, assuring grace that I was just joking.
Because I definitely was. If there was one person that I needed here, it would be her. She wasn’t my only friend, Gawd no, but she was the only one that was real with me. The only one that would never lie. She was my true best friend.
“Yeah, dude, I mean really? It’s like; I don’t wanna go out with you,”
A guy bumped into me.
“Oh sorry, I um, didn’t see you there,”
I blushed.
He smiled at me, confused, but he didn’t mind that I liked him.
“C’mon, dude, I saw a totally hot girl by this tree, which makes the tree even hot, and I mean she’s the hottest-“
“Not now,” he said, still staring at me.
“Whatever!” He yelled, and then stormed off.
“I’m Harrison, but you can call me harry for short.” he winked at me.
“I’m Julia,”
“Nice to meet you Julia. Do you go here?”
“Unfortunately,”
He let out an ah-dorable laugh, which made fall in love with him.
“Yeah, it sucks here,”
I sighed.
“I mean, not anymore.” he winked at me.
“I was about to say the same thing,”
He leaned towards me.
I walked back.
“Well, I’ll see you at my party tonight, right?”
“Totally,” I smiled, and meant it.
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| | | | snake
Former Staff
Posts : 1131
Join date : 2010-01-26
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 12:22 pm | |
| nice, lyli~ waiting on the next chaptahhh. | |
| | | | roxine
Regular Fantagian
Posts : 191
Join date : 2010-07-05
Age : 29
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 12:29 pm | |
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| | | | v
Moderator
Posts : 9590
Join date : 2010-02-07
Age : 24
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 12:55 pm | |
| I want moar!
(so i could tell my fam that i read alot. xD) | |
| | | | Nakira
Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1137
Join date : 2010-07-12
Age : 28
Location : the groan zone
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 2:20 pm | |
| May I say some constructive criticism? :3
You've got a great story idea, the possibilities are endless here. However, it would be nice if you described the school a bit more, and get into the characters' feelings and emotions. It would make the story more interesting. Also, since this story is taking place in the U.K. (in the part that's England, I'm presuming), so you might want to use British slang when British characters are talking. I can't wait to see what happens next, and I hope my advice wasn't totally useless. XD | |
| | | | Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 3:05 pm | |
| - Nakira wrote:
- May I say some constructive criticism? :3
You've got a great story idea, the possibilities are endless here. However, it would be nice if you described the school a bit more, and get into the characters' feelings and emotions. It would make the story more interesting. Also, since this story is taking place in the U.K. (in the part that's England, I'm presuming), so you might want to use British slang when British characters are talking. I can't wait to see what happens next, and I hope my advice wasn't totally useless. XD I will, but I don't know too much "British Slang". Lol | |
| | | | McKenna
Former Staff
Posts : 3165
Join date : 2010-01-27
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 4:10 pm | |
| Nice chapter~
Although british people say "I am" more than "I'm".
Same with the other words like that.
Cant wait for more~
(Oh and i think they dont eat sushi lolol)
XD JK | |
| | | | Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 4:15 pm | |
| - McKenna wrote:
- Nice chapter~
Although british people say "I am" more than "I'm".
Same with the other words like that.
Cant wait for more~
(Oh and i think they dont eat sushi lolol)
XD JK Lol. Idk if the do, or don't x3. I got that line from The Clique, btw. | |
| | | | Skai
Senior Fantagian
Posts : 275
Join date : 2010-01-27
Age : 27
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 4:32 pm | |
| I lovee it but it seems to jump a bit, but thats it! | |
| | | | Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 4:41 pm | |
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| | | | S
Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1417
Join date : 2010-02-06
Age : 19
Location : sad town
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 4:43 pm | |
| Nice, note; you mispelled spirit at the end of chapter four. You could make your chapters alot longer, the detail was quite nice in chapter four though. About the English/British accent, I dunno. You changed some words up to make it so, but honestly I'd read a book or two with british characters before trying to write in that accent. They say alot of things differently.
Wicked,Mum,Wot wot!, Cheerio, Chaps, and they always talk perfectly. (as in you can just hear the perfect grammar in their voices, at least with some.) | |
| | | | coolkat1124
Regular Fantagian
Posts : 192
Join date : 2010-07-21
Age : 29
Location : doesnt matter ;)
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 5:02 pm | |
| REALLY good when is the next chapter coming out? | |
| | | | Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 5:25 pm | |
| - coolkat1124 wrote:
- REALLY good when is the next chapter coming out?
Soon x3 | |
| | | | coolkat1124
Regular Fantagian
Posts : 192
Join date : 2010-07-21
Age : 29
Location : doesnt matter ;)
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 5:34 pm | |
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| | | | kiki424
Passionate Fantagian
Posts : 937
Join date : 2010-01-26
Location : Some where in a parallel universe
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 5:36 pm | |
| soo awesome! Can't wait to hear more-ur such a good writer beauty :3 | |
| | | | Nakira
Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1137
Join date : 2010-07-12
Age : 28
Location : the groan zone
| | Subject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story. Sat Jul 24, 2010 9:19 pm | |
| - 2008sarah wrote:
- Nice, note; you mispelled spirit at the end of chapter four. You could make your chapters alot longer, the detail was quite nice in chapter four though. About the English/British accent, I dunno. You changed some words up to make it so, but honestly I'd read a book or two with british characters before trying to write in that accent. They say alot of things differently.
Wicked,Mum,Wot wot!, Cheerio, Chaps, and they always talk perfectly. (as in you can just hear the perfect grammar in their voices, at least with some.) Yeah, like that. Also, Brits eat mostly the same stuff as Americans, so they do eat sushi. Here's some British slang phrases: Nang => cool Mouldies => Parents Ledge => Someone who is greatly admired; a legend Clappin => out of date Phat-free => uncool, rubbish Shizzle => someone you really admire, as in “she’s a shiz” Gratz => Thanks Hench => a tough boy, as in a henchman Cringe => embarrassment, as in “your parents are a cringe” Antwacky => unstylish or old-fashioned Cotch down => hang out, chill out or sleep Klingon => younger children, like irritable young brothers Flat roofin’ => overworked at school, stressed Za => abbreviation for pizza Fudge => a really stupid person, derived from the grades they might be expected to get in their exams: F, U, D, G, E Zep => a yob or lower class person Oudish => very cool, excellent Tin-grin => Someone who wears braces Here's a slang guide for us Americans: http://www.effingpot.com/slang.shtml EDIT: BTW, your American characters don't have to use this slang. X3 | |
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