Fantage Forum
Welcome to the Fantage Forum.
Fantage Forum
Welcome to the Fantage Forum.


Fantage Cheats, Secrets, Glitches, Info & Help.
 
HomeSearchRegisterLog in


 

 ~Secret love~ a love story.

Go down 
+14
Bloobu
Bluerivers1
coolkat1124
S
Skai
McKenna
snake
Karen
pokeranger
roxine
v
Nakira
kiki424
Lyli
18 posters
Go to page : 1, 2  Next
AuthorMessage
Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Lyli


Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeFri Jul 23, 2010 4:51 pm

New story x3

(BTW, the people in this story are supposed to be English. Please read the character's dialogue in an English accent. kthx.)

~Preview~

Spoiler:

~Chapter 1~
Spoiler:
~Chapter 3~
Spoiler:

~Chapter 4~
Spoiler:

~Chapter 5~ (With a picture ;D)

Spoiler:

~Chapter 6~ (With another picture Very Happy)

Spoiler:

~Chapter 7~
Spoiler:

















Last edited by Beauty26 on Fri Aug 06, 2010 3:41 pm; edited 10 times in total
Back to top Go down
kiki424
Passionate Fantagian
kiki424


Posts : 937
Join date : 2010-01-26
Location : Some where in a parallel universe

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeFri Jul 23, 2010 5:22 pm

I wanna hear more it seems sooo good! (btw luv ur avvi)
Back to top Go down
Nakira
Dedicated Fantagian
Nakira


Posts : 1137
Join date : 2010-07-12
Age : 27
Location : the groan zone

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeFri Jul 23, 2010 5:23 pm

The intro is pretty good, and the location sounds unique. Hope to see more! Soon!
Back to top Go down
v
Moderator
Moderator



Posts : 9590
Join date : 2010-02-07
Age : 24

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeFri Jul 23, 2010 5:32 pm

Awesome~!

I need moar!

(My fam wants me to read, so yeah. xD)
Back to top Go down
roxine
Regular Fantagian



Posts : 191
Join date : 2010-07-05
Age : 28

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeFri Jul 23, 2010 5:48 pm

yay love stories Very Happy can't wait for more Razz
Back to top Go down
Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Lyli


Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeFri Jul 23, 2010 7:40 pm

~Chapter 1~

Spoiler:
Back to top Go down
Nakira
Dedicated Fantagian
Nakira


Posts : 1137
Join date : 2010-07-12
Age : 27
Location : the groan zone

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeFri Jul 23, 2010 8:36 pm

You've got a pretty good start so far. Can't wait for the next chapter. :3
Back to top Go down
pokeranger
Hero Fantagian
pokeranger


Posts : 5454
Join date : 2010-01-29
Age : 25
Location : Loading...

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 12:44 am

Awesome preview! I can't wait to hear more!
Back to top Go down
Karen
Former Staff
Former Staff
Karen


Posts : 1530
Join date : 2010-01-29
Age : 24
Location : unicorns

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 1:33 am

Cool! I can't wait for more ;3
Back to top Go down
Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Lyli


Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 9:30 am

~Chapter 2~

Spoiler:
Back to top Go down
snake
Former Staff
Former Staff



Posts : 1131
Join date : 2010-01-26

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 12:22 pm

nice, lyli~ waiting on the next chaptahhh.
Back to top Go down
roxine
Regular Fantagian



Posts : 191
Join date : 2010-07-05
Age : 28

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 12:29 pm

I love the story Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Can't wait for more Razz
Back to top Go down
v
Moderator
Moderator



Posts : 9590
Join date : 2010-02-07
Age : 24

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 12:55 pm

I want moar!

(so i could tell my fam that i read alot. xD)
Back to top Go down
Nakira
Dedicated Fantagian
Nakira


Posts : 1137
Join date : 2010-07-12
Age : 27
Location : the groan zone

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 2:20 pm

May I say some constructive criticism? :3

You've got a great story idea, the possibilities are endless here. However, it would be nice if you described the school a bit more, and get into the characters' feelings and emotions. It would make the story more interesting. Also, since this story is taking place in the U.K. (in the part that's England, I'm presuming), so you might want to use British slang when British characters are talking. I can't wait to see what happens next, and I hope my advice wasn't totally useless. XD
Back to top Go down
Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Lyli


Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 3:05 pm

Nakira wrote:
May I say some constructive criticism? :3

You've got a great story idea, the possibilities are endless here. However, it would be nice if you described the school a bit more, and get into the characters' feelings and emotions. It would make the story more interesting. Also, since this story is taking place in the U.K. (in the part that's England, I'm presuming), so you might want to use British slang when British characters are talking. I can't wait to see what happens next, and I hope my advice wasn't totally useless. XD

I will, but I don't know too much "British Slang". Lol
Back to top Go down
McKenna
Former Staff
Former Staff
McKenna


Posts : 3165
Join date : 2010-01-27

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 4:10 pm

Nice chapter~

Although british people say "I am" more than "I'm".

Same with the other words like that.

Cant wait for more~

(Oh and i think they dont eat sushi lolol)

XD JK
Back to top Go down
Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Lyli


Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 4:15 pm

McKenna wrote:
Nice chapter~

Although british people say "I am" more than "I'm".

Same with the other words like that.

Cant wait for more~

(Oh and i think they dont eat sushi lolol)

XD JK

Lol. Idk if the do, or don't x3.

I got that line from The Clique, btw.
Back to top Go down
Skai
Senior Fantagian
Skai


Posts : 275
Join date : 2010-01-27
Age : 26

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 4:32 pm

I lovee it but it seems to jump a bit, but thats it!
Back to top Go down
Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Lyli


Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 4:41 pm

Chapter 4 is posted (:
Back to top Go down
S
Dedicated Fantagian
S


Posts : 1417
Join date : 2010-02-06
Age : 19
Location : sad town

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 4:43 pm

Nice, note; you mispelled spirit at the end of chapter four. You could make your chapters alot longer, the detail was quite nice in chapter four though. About the English/British accent, I dunno. You changed some words up to make it so, but honestly I'd read a book or two with british characters before trying to write in that accent. They say alot of things differently.

Wicked,Mum,Wot wot!, Cheerio, Chaps, and they always talk perfectly. (as in you can just hear the perfect grammar in their voices, at least with some.)
Back to top Go down
coolkat1124
Regular Fantagian
coolkat1124


Posts : 192
Join date : 2010-07-21
Age : 28
Location : doesnt matter ;)

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 5:02 pm

REALLY good when is the next chapter coming out?
Back to top Go down
Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Lyli


Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 5:25 pm

coolkat1124 wrote:
REALLY good when is the next chapter coming out?

Soon x3
Back to top Go down
coolkat1124
Regular Fantagian
coolkat1124


Posts : 192
Join date : 2010-07-21
Age : 28
Location : doesnt matter ;)

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 5:34 pm

yay!
Back to top Go down
kiki424
Passionate Fantagian
kiki424


Posts : 937
Join date : 2010-01-26
Location : Some where in a parallel universe

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 5:36 pm

soo awesome! Can't wait to hear more-ur such a good writer beauty :3
Back to top Go down
Nakira
Dedicated Fantagian
Nakira


Posts : 1137
Join date : 2010-07-12
Age : 27
Location : the groan zone

~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitimeSat Jul 24, 2010 9:19 pm

2008sarah wrote:
Nice, note; you mispelled spirit at the end of chapter four. You could make your chapters alot longer, the detail was quite nice in chapter four though. About the English/British accent, I dunno. You changed some words up to make it so, but honestly I'd read a book or two with british characters before trying to write in that accent. They say alot of things differently.

Wicked,Mum,Wot wot!, Cheerio, Chaps, and they always talk perfectly. (as in you can just hear the perfect grammar in their voices, at least with some.)

Yeah, like that. Also, Brits eat mostly the same stuff as Americans, so they do eat sushi. Very Happy
Here's some British slang phrases:

Nang => cool
Mouldies => Parents
Ledge => Someone who is greatly admired; a legend
Clappin => out of date
Phat-free => uncool, rubbish
Shizzle => someone you really admire, as in “she’s a shiz”
Gratz => Thanks
Hench => a tough boy, as in a henchman
Cringe => embarrassment, as in “your parents are a cringe”
Antwacky => unstylish or old-fashioned
Cotch down => hang out, chill out or sleep
Klingon => younger children, like irritable young brothers
Flat roofin’ => overworked at school, stressed
Za => abbreviation for pizza
Fudge => a really stupid person, derived from the grades they might be expected to get in their exams: F, U, D, G, E
Zep => a yob or lower class person
Oudish => very cool, excellent
Tin-grin => Someone who wears braces

Here's a slang guide for us Americans: http://www.effingpot.com/slang.shtml

EDIT: BTW, your American characters don't have to use this slang. X3
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content





~Secret love~ a love story. Empty
PostSubject: Re: ~Secret love~ a love story.   ~Secret love~ a love story. Icon_minitime

Back to top Go down
 
~Secret love~ a love story.
Back to top 
Page 1 of 2Go to page : 1, 2  Next
 Similar topics
-
» ~Love is Pain~ A Love Story
» ~Love is Pain~ A Love Story
» ~Secret love~ characters
» Love Story
» ~Blindfold -a Love story~

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Fantage Forum :: Creations :: Literature-
Jump to: