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| Poem: Rain | |
| | Author | Message |
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John_Rocks Regular Fantagian
Posts : 153 Join date : 2011-10-02 Age : 73 Location : BOING
| Subject: Poem: Rain Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:37 pm | |
| The days going by are getting in the way of the new morning i'd found at last. It wasn't "next'' that i was headed toward,but " bygone " that I was always chasing after My incessant merciless memories don't seem likely to forgive me. It may not be long before my turmoil spills out down cheeks wearied by my fumbling about. Will the rain ever stop? I've been cold for such a long time. Why dose the rain choose me? Can I wrap myself up in it? The rain is unrelenting and it's still coming down, but tenderly under a umbrella,we share our warmth as we huddle close. I made it for pikachu160 Hope you all and pikachu160 like it! | |
| | | FruitCake Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4126 Join date : 2011-05-24 Age : 22 Location : ♫
| Subject: Re: Poem: Rain Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:39 pm | |
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| | | kateyperry221 Senior Fantagian
Posts : 470 Join date : 2011-04-13 Age : 25 Location : Home.
| Subject: Re: Poem: Rain Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:41 pm | |
| I am so proud of how you did it!! But some how i kind of found it a bit hard to read??? Even so i really loved it!!! | |
| | | John_Rocks Regular Fantagian
Posts : 153 Join date : 2011-10-02 Age : 73 Location : BOING
| Subject: Re: Poem: Rain Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:46 pm | |
| Thank yu!! MOAR POEMS! | |
| | | alex Moderator
Posts : 23507 Join date : 2010-08-10 Age : 25 Location : google maps
| Subject: Re: Poem: Rain Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:47 pm | |
| It's okay, but kinda hard to read xP 8/10 | |
| | | Blackrose Hero Fantagian
Posts : 7338 Join date : 2010-07-20
| Subject: Re: Poem: Rain Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:50 pm | |
| pretty good and nice try on the effort scale but i agree with Ani.... | |
| | | John_Rocks Regular Fantagian
Posts : 153 Join date : 2011-10-02 Age : 73 Location : BOING
| Subject: Re: Poem: Rain Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:51 pm | |
| How is it hard to read... | |
| | | kateyperry221 Senior Fantagian
Posts : 470 Join date : 2011-04-13 Age : 25 Location : Home.
| Subject: Re: Poem: Rain Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:59 pm | |
| - Freddy333 wrote:
- How is it hard to read...
Maybe try reading over the poem...and see what was needed to be added to it... (like ,.?! etc....maybe somethings missing from your poem that makes it very hard to read....) | |
| | | Makkine Moderator
Posts : 2772 Join date : 2010-05-17 Age : 27 Location : Woah
| Subject: Re: Poem: Rain Sun Oct 02, 2011 1:14 pm | |
| - Line breaks:
The days going by are getting in the way The new morning I'd found at last.
It wasn't "next'' that i was headed toward, but " bygone " that I was always chasing after My incessant, merciless memories Don't seem likely to forgive me.
It may not be long before my turmoil spills out down Cheeks wearied by my fumbling about. Will the rain ever stop? I've been cold for such a long time. Why dose the rain choose me? Can I wrap myself up in it? The rain is unrelenting and It's still coming down, But tenderly under a umbrella we share our warmth as we huddle close.
Poetry needs linebreaks, or it's just flowery prose. Unless you use metre or rhyme, in which case you can still tell it's a poem without the breaks. That's how I'd split it up, but change it if you want a different feel. | |
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