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 Poem about Triscuits

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Makkine
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PostSubject: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptySun Nov 13, 2011 1:17 pm

Jenna comes into the room with a packet of triscuits
And offers me some.
They are salted. I don’t like salted foods;
They’re too much like the ocean.

Jenna, skintight leggings,
Comes into the room with a packet of trisctuits.
They make an odd noise as they’re chewed,
Like the grunts of a broken bone.

Jenna used to sail the seas but now
She can just open a packet of triscuits and tell me
How much she loves the prairie wind.
‘Cause it’s endless like that, ‘cause it’s yellow like that.

She looks at me with a mouth fulla triscuits and she dares say
That the house is too empty.
It’s got walls and a floor and you’re saying that you want more?
I’m saying you want less ‘cause you like the skies and counting ‘em.

Jenna used to use the stars but now
She can just point at the ceiling and say
It’s too empty ‘cause it has nothing to it but what it is.
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Oliver
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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptySun Nov 13, 2011 1:35 pm

:c
so good omg ahhh

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Winnowill
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Winnowill

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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptySun Nov 13, 2011 1:38 pm

This is awesome!!! How do you write like that?
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alex
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alex

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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptySun Nov 13, 2011 1:40 pm

This is awesome! :33
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Makkine
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Makkine

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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptySun Nov 13, 2011 1:47 pm

@Silmaril: Practise, English class, and practise.

@Ani and Sis: Thank'ee!
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Blackrose
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Blackrose

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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptySun Nov 13, 2011 6:46 pm

I love it! It's awesome.
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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptySun Nov 13, 2011 6:51 pm

Dude, you will be an awesome writer. I love it. :3
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o
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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptySun Nov 13, 2011 7:24 pm

1000/10!!!!!!
what those people said...
"it's awesome"

GREAT JOB!!!!!!
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Aphrodite
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Aphrodite

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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptySun Nov 13, 2011 7:25 pm

It's epic. The timeline or poem story (if their is one) is pretty clear to me, and the words of your poem are true and not copying someone else's. Aye mate.
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Makkine
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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptySun Nov 13, 2011 7:30 pm

Thank you all! Was there anything specific you liked about it?
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alex
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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptySun Nov 13, 2011 7:32 pm

Makkine wrote:
Thank you all! Was there anything specific you liked about it?
The third stanza is magnificent.
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FruitCake
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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptySun Nov 13, 2011 7:32 pm

Lovley Poem about triscuits.
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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptySun Nov 13, 2011 7:34 pm

@Makkine: I really love the voice in it and the fourth stanza, 'cause it's funny.
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Blue
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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptySun Nov 13, 2011 10:28 pm

Wow, this is the best poem I've ever heard! It's amazing!
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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits Empty

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