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 Poem about Triscuits

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Makkine
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Makkine

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PostSubject: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptyFri Nov 25, 2011 11:09 pm

Jenna comes into the room with a packet of triscuits
And offers me some.
They are salted. I don’t like salted foods;
They’re too much like the ocean.

Jenna, skintight leggings,
Comes into the room with a packet of trisctuits.
They make an odd noise as they’re chewed,
Like the grunts of a broken bone.

Jenna used to sail the seas but now
She can just open a packet of triscuits and tell me
How much she loves the prairie wind.
‘Cause it’s endless like that, ‘cause it’s yellow like that.

She looks at me with a mouth fulla triscuits and she dares say
That the house is too empty.
It’s got walls and a floor and you’re saying that you want more?
I’m saying you want less ‘cause you like the skies and counting ‘em.

Jenna used to use the stars but now
She can just point at the ceiling and say
It’s too empty ‘cause it has nothing to it but what it is.






I'm not too sure about how I like the line breaks here, which is something I'm working on. Critique, praise, and general commentary appreciated!
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Blue
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Blue

Posts : 3257
Join date : 2011-05-04
Age : 107
Location : How am I supposed to know? D; LOCATING MYSELF IS HARD.

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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptyFri Nov 25, 2011 11:20 pm

It's amazing! Very Happy You did a good job!
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Makkine
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Makkine

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Age : 23
Location : Woah

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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptyFri Nov 25, 2011 11:44 pm

Thank you! I liked your own poem, too.
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Blue
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Blue

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Age : 107
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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptyFri Nov 25, 2011 11:48 pm

Thank you, Makkine! ^^
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Oliver
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Oliver

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Location : *lights up a fire* yeah, trying to surivve in a fores.t *smokse a cig* il kill you

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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptySat Nov 26, 2011 1:02 pm

woahhhh
gooooddddd

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Poem about Triscuits 9fc99780-495a-11e3-8f57-068eb587edec
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alex
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alex

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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits EmptySat Nov 26, 2011 1:04 pm

ahhh this is so good ;v;
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PostSubject: Re: Poem about Triscuits   Poem about Triscuits Empty

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