| | Rollercoasters in Time- a story | |
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+4sahilin Trash case1998 bladerunner22 8 posters | Author | Message |
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bladerunner22 Devoted Fantagian
Posts : 530 Join date : 2010-11-27 Age : 24 Location : Asia
| Subject: Rollercoasters in Time- a story Mon Dec 06, 2010 12:28 pm | |
| I don't know if I'm good or not yet. Just read and feel free to comment! Prologue: - Spoiler:
It all started with a rollercoaster. I didn’t need to go on that rollercoaster. Really, I didn’t. Now, I was stuck here. But there was something I couldn’t really tell. Was I in the past, or the future?
Chapter One: The Whole Beginning - Spoiler:
The rollercoaster was called the Time Twister. As soon as I saw it, I wanted to go on it. I ran up the ride and got in line. The ride was really long. There could be maybe about 50 people here. I waited for what seemed like hours. I was so bored. I felt kind of felt like a statue that was made a century ago. Just when I felt like I needed a nap, I was finally at the rollercoaster. A man dressed like a tired detective was standing there looking at his watch. He looked kind of gloomy with his creepy face. He smiled brightly as soon as I got a ticket. He said I was a lucky one. Good luck on your journey, he said. He secretly snickered. It wasn’t that secret though, anybody close to me could tell he was snickering. Anyways, I wondered what he meant when he said that I was a lucky one. By the snickering of his, it couldn’t be good. I felt myself shiver. He was creepy. I decided just to ignore is creepy ways and get on the rollercoaster. A lady that helped me secure the seat belt said to be careful where I was going. The lady kinda freaked me out too so I just nodded my head slowly without saying a word. When the ride started I felt sick like I needed to throw up. Yuck! I always hated rollercoasters. The ride started going up slowly, like they always do. I started wondering why I ever wanted to go on this rollercoaster. Then it went down fast. I felt like my face was coming off. Not a very nice feeling. The ride went up and down over and over again. People screamed their high pitched screams behind me. Then we went into this cave. It was so easy to tell that it was a fake. But it was all shiny so I gazed up at it. ‘Wow. That’s weird. How did they make it so shiny, and wh-’ My thoughts got interrupted by this annoying squeaky noise. The ride had suddenly jerked. The rollercoaster slowly made progress. And I was slowly getting annoyed. “How could a rollercoaster go so slow?” Then a bright light flashed over and over again. My eyes started to water. I was really mad now. “What’s happening? Do you guys know?!” I hollered, steaming. “Hey, guysss!” I was getting very annoyed. “Do you know what’s happening? Is this part of the ride?!” But still, there was no reply came. It never did. I looked behind me and saw that no one was there. “Wha- but-bu- HOW?” I stammered rapidly, feeling my whole body getting hot with anger. “How did they escape? There’s not even a trace of them!” I said. Then I felt my body getting sucked in by this invisible force. What was happening to me? “Ahhhhhhh!” I screamed. Then everything went black.
Chapter Two: A Weird Hotel - Spoiler:
"Ughh..” I moaned. Where was I? How long have I been here? I was lying on dirt. I got up slowly and brushed the dirt off from my now torn jeans. I walked slowly because I felt like all my bones had been broken, even though I know that I was probably just lying down too long. The beautiful scene of green leaves on the trees, a bright blue sky and a view of a mountain was changed. In its place, there was a dark gray sky, dead trees everywhere, the smell of smoke in the air. Okay, maybe I was exaggerating a bit. The mountain still looked the same. But I was amazed about how much changed in just a few seconds. Or was it seconds? It could have been months, days, YEARS! I have to find a calendar. Luckily, there was tons of newspaper scraps scattered everywhere on the ground. Yuck. Since when was this place littered? They were also floating with the wind. I grabbed the front page of a newspaper that floated by me. I scanned the newspaper for the date. Then I realized that this paper might be old. Anyways, the newspaper had no date printed on it. Now I will never know the time. Or the date, or the year. ---------------------------------- I wondered around aimlessly looking for my house, but it was gone. In its place, a nicer looking house stood. It had white walls, a golden door and doorknob, and a bunch of glass windows. It looked like it belonged to a millionaire. I sighed. I decided to find a hotel instead. Luckily, I had what, 100 dollars on me? Maybe. I checked my left pocket. A piece of trash came out. I then checked my right pocket. Great, I thought. No money. Or a cell phone. What am I supposed to do know? I decided to find a hotel that had free service. But where could I find something like that? Just then, a hotel out of nowhere popped up. It was called the French Banana Inn. I walked closer to a tiny sign. It was handwritten in messy handwriting. It said “FREE SERVICE. GET FREE SERVICE FOR FREE!” The first thing I thought was ‘Wow. Free service for free. Isn’t that obvious.’ Then the second thing I thought was ‘Let’s check this out. I’m going in.’ Then the third thing I thought was ‘Wow, what a weird hotel name. Oh well.’ So now you may be thinking that I think a lot of things. And that the sentence before this sentence made no sense. Do you think that? Anyways, I decided to go inside the place to check things out. I stepped in through the automatic doors. I was a bit surprised. Everything was yellow. And I do mean everything. Everyone had at least a bit of yellow on. The walls and floor were yellow. I’m sure you get the point. So anyways, I walked to the front desk. I decided to get a room here. It was free after all. After getting a room, I asked my question about the French Bananas Inn’s name to a lady that was sitting at the front desk. She had her blond hair pulled back in a sloppy ponytail and had a name tag saying “My name is Melody!” “Excuse me, but what does the name of the hotel come from?” I asked politely. “Huh? What did ya say?” she said, making it seem like she wasn’t even listening to me. I repeated myself in a more serious tone. I was also a bit annoyed by the woman’s attitude. “Oh, the name comes from the manager’s love bananas of course. And since our manager was also French, we decided to make it French Banana. Isn’t it so obvious?” She said like it was supposed to be obvious. “Oh.”I said, wondering how it was obvious. I went and sat down at a sofa nearby. I sat down in a nice yellow cushion on a bright yellow couch, gathering my thoughts. Hmmm. How did I get here? Have I traveled in time? No way, that only happens in the movies. Maybe I’m in a warped movie stage? Nope, only happens in books. How will, I ever find this out? And why does everything have to be YELLOW!? I need to get an appointment with this banana- loving French manager. We need to talk. I marched back up to the desk. This time a little old man sat in the lady’s place. He had an obvious wig on his round little head. He had a hideous yellow shirt with a yellow star on it. He had no name tag at all. And he was staring right at me. I got a little creeped out. But, hey. I was already creeped out from the moment I stepped in the French Banana Inn. “Hello, little lady. What do you need?” “I need to have a conversation with the manager of French Banana, please.” I said, in a sort of asking and demanding tone. “What manager? Isn’t the manager dead?” he said, pretending that he didn’t know that the manager is “dead”. “But, the lady that was here earlier said that the manager is French, and that his love for bananas-” I said. “I’m so sorry little lady, but just because someone says that the manager is French, and that he loves bananas doesn’t mean he’s still alive. Does that answer your questions?” he said calmly. “Well, thank you anyways Mr.” I said, a bit disappointed. “Oh, and remember child. Someone is always watching you.” He called mysteriously, as I walked away. Then he disappeared without a trace. In my opinion, the second chapter is a little weird to meh...
Last edited by bladerunner22 on Sun Dec 12, 2010 5:55 am; edited 3 times in total | |
| | | bladerunner22 Devoted Fantagian
Posts : 530 Join date : 2010-11-27 Age : 24 Location : Asia
| Subject: Re: Rollercoasters in Time- a story Mon Dec 06, 2010 1:15 pm | |
| @FreedoM 4EVA Yea, it is a pretty short prologue... I'm working on chapter one! | |
| | | case1998 Senior Fantagian
Posts : 459 Join date : 2010-05-22 Age : 25 Location : In a AI storage unit.
| Subject: Re: Rollercoasters in Time- a story Mon Dec 06, 2010 2:01 pm | |
| Well my prouloge to my story was pretty short. Never do judge. Really good. Interesting. | |
| | | Trash Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1685 Join date : 2010-01-31 Age : 25
| Subject: Re: Rollercoasters in Time- a story Mon Dec 06, 2010 5:06 pm | |
| You know a prologue is actually like, an explanation to what has/will happen/ed...this says not much... | |
| | | sahilin Senior Fantagian
Posts : 356 Join date : 2010-11-01 Location : Good Question.
| Subject: Re: Rollercoasters in Time- a story Mon Dec 06, 2010 5:23 pm | |
| I like it! | |
| | | bladerunner22 Devoted Fantagian
Posts : 530 Join date : 2010-11-27 Age : 24 Location : Asia
| Subject: Re: Rollercoasters in Time- a story Wed Dec 08, 2010 12:12 pm | |
| Ok, I posted chapter one! Please, give me any suggestions on how to make my story better! im working on chapter two! | |
| | | Nakira Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1137 Join date : 2010-07-12 Age : 27 Location : the groan zone
| Subject: Re: Rollercoasters in Time- a story Wed Dec 08, 2010 6:04 pm | |
| - Anaira wrote:
- You know a prologue is actually like, an explanation to what has/will happen/ed...this says not much...
Actually, a prologue is usually a chapter that takes place somewhere different than the rest of the story. It's not an explanation, it's more like a chapter that's slightly different from the rest. | |
| | | Makkine Moderator
Posts : 2772 Join date : 2010-05-17 Age : 26 Location : Woah
| Subject: Re: Rollercoasters in Time- a story Wed Dec 08, 2010 6:06 pm | |
| I thought a proulouge was just a chapter before the other chapters, and is usually a bit briefer, and it gives abackground information without spoiling too much of the plot. I haven't heard of the "different setting" thing, though. You know what this means? TO GOOGLE!EDIT: - Wikipedia wrote:
- A prologue (Greek πρόλογος prologos, from προ~, pro~ - fore~, and lógos, word), or prolog, is an opening to a story that establishes the setting and gives background details, often some earlier story that ties into the main one, and other miscellaneous information. The Greek prologos included the modern meaning of prologue, but was of wider significance, embracing any kind of preface, like the Latin praefatio.
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| | | Nakira Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1137 Join date : 2010-07-12 Age : 27 Location : the groan zone
| Subject: Re: Rollercoasters in Time- a story Wed Dec 08, 2010 7:22 pm | |
| - Makkine wrote:
- I thought a proulouge was just a chapter before the other chapters, and is usually a bit briefer, and it gives abackground information without spoiling too much of the plot. I haven't heard of the "different setting" thing, though. You know what this means?
TO GOOGLE!
EDIT: - Wikipedia wrote:
- A prologue (Greek πρόλογος prologos, from προ~, pro~ - fore~, and lógos, word), or prolog, is an opening to a story that establishes the setting and gives background details, often some earlier story that ties into the main one, and other miscellaneous information. The Greek prologos included the modern meaning of prologue, but was of wider significance, embracing any kind of preface, like the Latin praefatio.
You win. | |
| | | bladerunner22 Devoted Fantagian
Posts : 530 Join date : 2010-11-27 Age : 24 Location : Asia
| Subject: Re: Rollercoasters in Time- a story Sun Dec 12, 2010 10:57 am | |
| Ok, I posted Chapter Two. It's kinda weird in my opinion... | |
| | | ♥cherry♥ Senior Fantagian
Posts : 436 Join date : 2010-12-09 Location : Up your butt and around the corner
| Subject: Re: Rollercoasters in Time- a story Sun Dec 12, 2010 1:10 pm | |
| ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? | |
| | | bladerunner22 Devoted Fantagian
Posts : 530 Join date : 2010-11-27 Age : 24 Location : Asia
| Subject: Re: Rollercoasters in Time- a story Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:07 am | |
| sissy, you have officially confused meh.. Edit: Sighs. sissy, you have messed up the page.
Last edited by bladerunner22 on Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:19 am; edited 1 time in total | |
| | | Magdaleena Expert Fantagian
Posts : 2261 Join date : 2010-04-26 Age : 28 Location : Somewhere in northern Europe. Probably hours ahead of you.
| Subject: Re: Rollercoasters in Time- a story Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:16 am | |
| - sissy769 wrote:
- ??????????????????????????????
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ? ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????? ??? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????????? ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ??? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????????????? ????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????????????????? ????????? ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????????????????? ????????? ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????? Please, edit your post. YOU STRETCHED THE PAGE. If she refuses, can a mod do it? The page stretching made it almost impossible to read the story. | |
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